Sawubona, will you see me too?

Last lunch together

Imagine if someone came up to you and greeted you with “ I am here to be seen” and you reply “I see you.” I.SEE.YOU ( no, this has nothing to do with Avatar). Three words that pack so much meaning and power.  Sometimes we underestimate the power that our words have on others. That our recognition and acceptance of another person can either contribute or take away from how they see the world and how they perceive themselves. The people of South Africa and their acknowledgment of the person that I am contributed so much to my experience. Like I said in my previous posts, I think this is something that we all see in our lives and I find it imperative to be able to distinguish between the people who really see you, accept you, recognize you from those who seek to change you or point out your flaws for their own validation.  My professor introduced us to Sawubona (I see you) a greeting in Zulu that we learned at our last INDABA.  Sawubona ties in to UBUNTU (seeing ourselves through the eyes of other)

My roomie Amber

 Often times, we forget the importance of paying attention to how the world see us and we tell ourselves that as long as we have a somewhat clear understanding of who we are, that is all that matters. I understand why we do this (insecurity, apathy etc.) I think that if we show our real self, stop trying to fit in, stop holding on to an identity that is only a part of you but doesn’t DEFINE you) and truly try to connect with other s through our differences and similarities then we can truly experience the beautify of UBUNTU. This isn’t easy, I definitely wasn’t doing this before my time in South Africa however; I was in a position where I finally realized I had nothing to lose by being myself. I started to pay attention to people’s reactions, understanding the words that they used and the ones I used and whether I was being clear in my language. When I wasn’t, I rephrased and this helped to bring our connection to a greater level of understanding. People didn’t want to know what I did, how much money I made or where my family was from. Instead they asked me what my passions were, what my plans were, what I thought about certain issues and whether I had skyped with my parents to let them I was okay. I miss that very much.

Venice

Duomo

When I arrived in Milan after two months in South Africa, it finally hit me...how unbelievably blessed I was to be able to travel as much as I have and to have the opportunity to apply the lessons I’ve learned in places where nobody knows who I am. To practice UBUNTU and see how present it is in the rest of the world. Our host at our hostel treated me so wonderfully; he had such fabulous stories about traveling to the Middle East and played us endless European YouTube videos. His dog princess was pretty special too; an Italian dog who goes to mass with its owner? Pretty priceless. He was going back to Sorrento on holiday, and I have to say I will miss him very much. I think before I wouldn’t have taken the time to really get to know him, because I’m in my own head so often, but attempting and actually being able to engage with others makes such a wonderful difference in our lives. 

 Reuniting with an old friend helped me to gain more perspective,  I was able to think back to a time where I was in a completely difference place in my life and it made me appreciate the place where I was now.  I am not the person I was then and I think that applies to how South Africa changed me as well. Jen and I talked politics/education reform in England/South Africa and the rest of the world at the roof of el Duomo and discussed our career aspirations at a cafe by the Galleria. I realized that as I walked the streets of Milan, I felt so at home. I think I am starting to understand why I had chosen to come to Europe after South Africa; I’m considering moving here and though I could be freaking out about job opportunities, finances and uprooting. I’m not scared.  I’m excited. I say it again and again, we always have a choice whether in how we choose to react to what is happening to us or when we directly cause the change. This year, the trend has been to choose and then let go of control once I have made my decisions. Has this been successful 100% of the time? No Have I failed to let go at times? Heck yes but I’m a work in progress.  There was a minute where I stopped to ask myself “Whoa, this is my life. It’s going in a direction that I am actually happy with. I’m at peace with myself for the time being, I will do my best to keep it constant. Our professor told us that she stays calm in moments of distress and uncertainty because worrying only clouds our judgment. By staying calm we can think clearly about what we can and can’t do and if there isn’t anything we can do then we must let it go. When I asked her if she had a mantra that she followed she said to always have faith, it is what keeps us going.  As idealistic as this all may sound to some people I can say it and embrace it because when looking back at the darkest times in my life, faith kept me going. I question everything now but my curiosity doesn’t stem from insecurity, it stems from a need to continue to grow and evolve as a person. If we aren’t honest with ourselves in regards to our faults, and talk about issues as race, inequality, personal and professional doubts then how will we learn? Seeing yourself through the eyes of another and not seeking validation but an understanding of who they are and who you are through a mutual exchange of ideas and thoughts is a beautiful thing

My Professor and role model

If you’re reading this, I ask that you have one conversation with a person, look into their eyes when they speak and let them know that you are here to be seen (YOU, no masks or defense mechanisms) and then I want you to SEE THEM. Give them all of your attention and truly engage. It will make a huge difference, trust me. 

 I am off to  Croatia Hungary, Berlin and London and yes I am still processing.  We (program buddies) are all processing our experiences in South Africa in different ways but one thing is for sure, I miss my South African family so much and each day of travel, I appreciate my parents and friends more and more! 

Family :)

Keep Calm and Carry On

Durban, South Africa-absolutely breathtaking

I have been trying to figure out how to best express all of the feelings and thoughts that have come up  from my experiences so far, especially Robben Island. An island that was witness to so much pain, disease, and struggle yet was where the foundation was laid to end Apartheid; it is also a symbol of education, personal growth and the birth of  Mandela's A long walk to freedom.  We have learned about the Soweto uprisings of 1976 and reading Kaffir boy /watching A Dry White Season was helpful in creating a mental picture of the time. I was able to vividly picture the disconnect between education and freedom. It was saddening to read about a time when education was used as a tool to oppress and stifle human development, personal growth and liberty.

Depiction of township life through art

 Country of My Skull was able to shed more light on this because we read about how dropping out of school was seen as an act of rebellion against Apartheid. The struggle to redefine South African education and to engage people in the issues affecting the country is still very present and challenging.  Mandela was key in this change. I picture the influential voices of the fight against Apartheid; the students of the Soweto uprisings who gave up their right to an education for the fight and then the political prisoners of Robben Island who used any and every tool at their disposal to educate themselves as leaders, politicians and human beings.  It’s interesting seeing these two distinct groups of the population and how they were fighting against the same enemy but in very different ways.  Which example is the one that set the precedent for how education is viewed in South Africa? I see remnants of both but I hope that Mandela's legacy will be the one young generations hold on to for years to come. 

Flowers, kind thoughts for Madiba found outside the hospital

On Nelson Mandela day (July 18th) we visited a primary school. The students sang songs and we were greeted with such warmth, love and most importantly passion to education and learn. I believe that passion is one of the key elements of what drives us to continue with our education.  This sentiment can be inspired by many different things however, at a young age, the most influential thing in a child’s life are the role models he or she has.  What this particular school lacked in resources it made up for it in resiliency, drive and faith from its teachers and students. I was in a Kindergarten class and it was a very special experience because primary education is where my professional as well as personal interests lie. I am a strong believer in that by focusing on strengthening primary education programs we can make a bigger impact on a country’s socio-economic development.  If we can target the linguistic, physical and mental obstacles that seem to be left unaddressed then we can lower the dropout rates in secondary schools and actually bridge the gap between secondary and higher education.

Two of the most adorable 5 year olds you will ever meet

The students that I worked with were some of the sweetest kids I have come across and extremely bright. It was a class of 25 and the teacher taught a lesson while the students looked on while seated in the middle of the classroom. We were learning how to spell the letter K and after the teacher made a few examples the students split up and went to their tables. There weren’t enough tables so some stayed behind on the mat. She passed out blank sheets of paper and I helped to distribute crayons. I wasn’t sure if the lesson was more lax because she needed time filler but it came as a shock for me that they were expected to write letters with absolutely no direction. She asked me to check their work so instead I had them give me their papers one by one and I drew lines on their papers so they would know where to start the top of the letter and how much space to leave between the letters. The teacher encouraged me to take over the lesson; it was a bit difficult to communicate to them what I needed from them because they didn’t understand English. I used hand signals to show them what I wanted them to do. They caught on quickly but nonetheless, the inequality in the resources given to students across the country was evident. 

Kindergarteners!

The teacher helped me explain to the students what they needed to work on and she was very appreciative. She told me she felt overwhelmed at times because of the large classroom size as well as the lack of resources. I’m at a loss in envisioning a solution that could effectively aid all of the schools in need in South Africa. Most schools seems to be arbitrarily run by the administration and there is such a lack of governmental as well as administrative enforcement, which leads to students falling in between the cracks.  In my opinion, the schools are a microcosm of the national education system as a whole; each trying to find solutions to financial and administrative issue that plague them but not effectively communicating. Crime, drugs, rape, high pregnancy rates, issues over identity are all widespread and overwhelming for schools who are still trying to meet the most basic of needs.  Something inspring and powerful that I did see (and it is related to the passion that I touched upon earlier) is the unwavering pursuit of happiness through education.

Visit to an elephant conservatory

Some of the UNISA ( University of South Africa) students that we spoke to talked about empowerment and knowing that higher education was the way to freedom from poverty, ignorance and towards personal development. I have this hope that they are the generation who will bring along a new wave of further growth and development for South Africa. As much as we tend to focus on the obstacles that plague post Apartheid South Africa, I am constantly impressed with the resiliency and strength of the South African people. I feel it influencing the way I plan to live my life when I get back to NYC. For me, life in New York has been exhilarating, fulfilling but also challenging to say the least. I find myself clutching on to remnants of the person I was before moving there; it changed me and I was terrified  because the pace of city life didn’t allow me the opportunity to process  the changes that were constantly happening in my life. At times I was overwhelmed by the vast amount of choices and not always knowing if I was making the right one and the guilt that seemed  to  follow afterwards. What I realized in my time in South Africa, is that the parts of myself that I truly respect and love have never left me (I think we should all be conscious of what these attributes are within ourselves). I was also able to reconnect with my roots though I am not originally from here. A lot of that had to do with how  South Africa  is still trying to mold its own identity, the environment allowed me to have a clearer idea of  how I ahve matured and changed in the past year. Some things remain a constant, others evolve and it’s so important to make room for this change. I think that’s one of the most important lessons I

Life long dream come true :)

have  learned. I hope that when I return to New York City, I will be able to have a better understanding of how to handle the curve balls that NYC seems to love to throw at me. I feel that if I was able to process all of the things that I have learned in South Africa and most importantly remember the powerful, strong and influential role models that I have directly and indirectly met, I will be able to take on anything.  Below is a list of things that I had hoped to accomplish/remember while in South Africa. Some were accomplished, others not so much...whoops!  Nonetheless, the memories, friends and lessons learned are priceless in the end.

1. Live in the moment

2. Give as much as I can 

3. Learn as much I can 

4. Love as much as I can

5. Be patient 

6. Facebook only once a day (This one was the most difficult and not very successful)

7. Learn the language ( Dumela, le Kae)

8. RELAX (accomplished on most days)

9. Strive to be a better version of myself, a stronger, more optimistic, more open, more confident, more loving person

10. Have more perspective; what do I want, who do I want to be and want kind of people do I want to be surrounded with

11.Not dwell on things that can’t be answered in the present.  

Group shot ( Jess, Maura, Crysal, Dan) 

Lights will guide you home

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Nelson Mandela-Can you see the outline of his face?!

 I haven’t updated my blog in quite sometime mostly because I felt very lost as to where to even begin in terms of conveying to my friends and family what my experience has been like in Pretoria and in dealing with the new factors that have come into play now that I’m in a completely new environment. We left for Pretoria on Friday and like expected we have all come to know each other fairly well. I think what is most interesting from a psychological perspective is how people’s personalities are magnified and their feelings/emotions/mindsets are highly sensitive to their new surroundings. Studying abroad is just  unlike any other experience; we forge friendships instantly and divulge aspects of ourselves that may have taken us months to feel comfortable doing so in our home setting. It is all beautiful and terrifying at the same time.  We are all very diverse in our backgrounds, personalities etc. however, I strongly feel in my heart that each one of us has something to bring to this experience that makes us indispensable to the group. We all want to change the world and every day we share our passions, dreams and concerns, and through these interactions get greater insight into how we can practically achieve our goals. Though at times I face my own challenges in regards to retaining my sense of autonomy while figuring out what my place is in this group, I’ve realized that overcoming this struggle will only make me stronger in the end. 

 Our professor had asked us to think about what are the challenges that we face as a group and what must we keep in mind in order to achieve success. I didn’t realize what my answer was to this problem until today; it is essential to keep sight of what we want from this trip and what we can bring to the experience in order to keep harmony in the group. I personally feel that I made a choice to leave NY in the past and put my best self forward every day or at least try my very best to do so. I think we are all here for different reasons and it is so important to accept that just as we are on this journey together, you are also here as an individual. We all want and expect different things from this based on where we are in our personal and professional lives and that’s okay. After not having many people to talk to and interchange ideas with I jumped right in to making fiends and learning as much as I could from my follow classmates. In that I realized I was losing sight on my personal mission for this Summer, I had no balance.  I think this is something we can all relate to in our lives when we set boundaries and realize just how important it is to spend time alone.  If we aren’t at peace with ourselves then we become victim to losing sight of who we are, what our passions are and what we truly want for ourselves, As much as I love being part of a group, the best gift that my time in Soweto gave me was being at valuing my alone time. We all have different ways of figuring this out. 

 

West Orlando, Soweto-South Africa

 I feel rejuvenated after days of dissecting Kaffir boy, adapting to a group environment, and choosing to take a step back to allow everyone who hasn’t been in South Africa for a month already to adapt and see this beautiful country through their own eyes.  I am doing my very best to work through all of these different feelings and I think that this past weekend was what I needed to firmly plant my feet on the ground again. On Saturday, we visited the Apartheid Museum and my admiration for Mandela and my personal favorite; Anti Apartheid leader Desmond Tutu reached new heights. The sense of respect that was felt by the visitors and staff was instant; our tickets were indiscriminately marked with either non white/white stamps and we had to walk through the entrance that was marked on our ticket to give us a sense of what it was like during the time of Apartheid.  Desmond Tutu to me is the epitome of unconditional love, class, spunk and personality. He is Ubuntu and a new role model of mine J Later that day we went back to Soweto-a place I didn’t realize was home until I went back. We met our host families; it was interesting how kismet our pairings felt.  Our host mom and her daughter Lerato (sound familiar anyone?) were lovely. You know that feeling when someone hugs you and it’s so warm and loving that you truly feel hugged and as a consequence of that; safe? It was just like that. It was the beginning of my homecoming. 

Mama and her girls

Maura, Jo and I were taken all over town with our new family and we visited the Mandela home and Tutu’s home (two Nobel peace prizewinners on one street) Unbelievable!! We also learned that our Mama knows how to have a good time! She took us to a restaurant where we were later joined by her friends and family and two of our other classmates who have become like brothers to me.  I believe that if you surround yourself with people who radiate positivity it will spill over and you will see it’s effect in the people that gravitate towards them and that night I was surrounded by friends and family who were doing the best and simplest thing; living life. I had the opportunity to speak to a young man named Kaye who everyone joked

Marc, Jo, Dan and our new family and friends :)

was the Kanye to my Kim (yes, yes, I had a good laugh as well), Anyway, he was telling me about this dream he has for his generation to take a stand and take South Africa in a new direction; one where Apartheid will never be forgotten however, it’s people won’t be reminded of it because they still live in the same conditions of that time. Hearing him speak reminded me of what I felt during my time in June, so much hope for this beautiful country due to the immensity of its heart. 

Homecoming at Tsogang Sechaba

It all came full circle when I visited Tsogang Sechaba with the rest of the group today.  Seeing Poppy and the warm welcome I was met with by the staff made me feel whole again. I didn’t realize how close I was to losing sight of what I came here to do. What I promised myself I wouldn’t let go of.  I felt so proud of hearing Tony explain to my follow classmates what it is we do at Tsogang Sechaba and how our fight is a daily one but the future of the amazing children that come to us is what motivates us.  I was also happy to hear that our expansion proposal is still on its way to finally becoming a reality and I am looking forward to being a part of it!  Each city that I have visited has varied in aesthetics, but one thing has remained the same; that fight, that awareness of the long road ahead but not losing hope of the dream being realized.  I have finally after this insightful weekend have realized that I can’t help what other people think or do especially on this type of trip, all I can do is choose how I will react to and make sure I keep very close to my heart and mind what type of experience I want this to be and not let anything stand in my way of what I came here to do. I am looking forward to writing my research proposal, mostly because I will get to expand on the immigration issues plaguing the country and learn more about education reform in this area.  I’m on my way and I promise not to leave y’all in the dark! 
 

On to the next leg of the Journey; Cape Town!

Table Top Mountain

V&A Pier

So day two of Cape Town can be checked off as Success!  My time in Soweto ended on a high note with treating the kids to hot dogs and spending as much time as possible with them before I left.  I can’t even begin to describe the amount of love that I found at Tsogang Sechaba, Poppy holds a very dear place in my heart; I will miss her amazing stories about standing up for herself in a time where women and Africans were not allowed to even fight for their rights.  Tony is also a role model of what we should all strive for in our lives, following your passion and contributing to the betterment of society. As trying as my finals days were at Tsogang Sechaba, being able to pay my respects to the families of the wonderful people I met who had passed on helped me to get closure and to appreciate the fact that I’m still here and living life to the fullest. I look forward to being able to apply all of the lessons I learned and the stories that were shared with me to the courses I will be taking with Professor Moja.

Back on the water!

As far as Cape Town, I was taken back by the fact that I was a bit culture shocked when first arriving; Soweto, was a completely different world and it is mind boggling to me that it is only two hours away from CT (flying) yet, they are as different as night and day. Cape town is picturesque and ideal with its beautiful mountains; peaks coming through the clouds and the reflection of sailboats on the water...it’s perfect.  Though, you still sense the presence of segregation to a certain extent and it’s the most interesting thing to observe how far South Africa has come since the end of Apartheid, yet it has a very long way to go.  I’m still trying to understand not only the history of South Africa, but the issues that the country is dealing with at the moment, Immigration and the devastating effects that the lack of government involvement has had on education has sparked my interest. I think it will be my research project while here in SA.  I am beyond thrilled to start learning from Professor Moja; I don’t think I’ve felt this much glee over a class in a long time!

 

J&H group dinner :)

So far, I am enjoying my mini vacation until my classes begin on Tuesday.  I have visited the V&A Waterfront which has a mini “London eye” tons of delicious restaurants with fresh seafood and tasty bakeries! It reminds me very much of Barca, the mountains, the ocean, the palm trees all come together to make something truly magical. I spent my first day exploring the area and treating myself to a mini-shopping spree; I am completely justified due to needing clothes urgently since I definitely under packed! The night before last we all went out to dinner to this Victorian-esque restaurant/bar called Jekyll & Hyde. We feasted on “tapas”, Tequila beer and some delicious South African Red Wine. Everyone so far is enthusiastic about the program, very outgoing and looking forward to some awesome adventures! I relish in the fact that I still get opportunities to make new friends at NYU, considering I pretty much know everyone in my own program so this is all extremely refreshing!  Everyone always ask me if I miss my friends/family and I do but at the same time, taking what I learned in Soweto and pairing it with what I know will be a significant experience here in Cape Town and Pretoria;I know I made the right choice. Sometimes you don’t get to choose the changes that come about in your life; they are sudden, sometimes jarring.Then those opportunities come along where you do have a say in taking on an experience that will change you, mold you and strengthen you and that is exactly what this has been. Time is flying by way too quickly so  I’m trying to live in the moment as much as I can!

Play me that Chemical Romance/ The Fray/ One Republic violin

I'm not sure why the past two days have been such a struggle for me; I don't feel homesick, gotten used to the food and I’ve been pretty productive at work yet that emo title could completely be applied to me right now. I’m thinking it has something to do with the readings I have started doing for my classes in July including Kaffir Boy; The True Story of a Black Youth's Coming of Age in Apartheid South Africa by Mark Mathabane.  Every single time I start reading this book, I become completely engrossed in it; learning about the struggle against Apartheid while living in Soweto, South Africa, has been an experience I know not many get to experience. I’m so grateful for Poppy, Tony and Seth for sharing their stories with me.  While reading Kaffir Boy, the author very vividly depicts the life and death situations he faced as a child, the terror he lived through, the complete loss of faith in humanity and at times himself. I really didn’t want to keep reading this book but I knew I had to. I'm glad I did, I was inspired by this young man's 'American Dream' it brought new meaning to the phrase for me.

I don’t normally consider finishing a novel a victory by any means, considering I genuinely love to read! I think that what made this a victory was the fact that just a few miles down the road from where I'm currently staying, there are ghettos like the ones depicted in Kaffir boy; sure they aren’t raided by police on a daily basis and people aren't being indiscriminately killed by the authorities however, the hunger, the sadness, the lack of electricity and poor sanitary conditions are all still there. Do you really have a choice of where to live when you are unemployed due to not being a SA citizen, tending to child who although was born in SA is refused a CSG (child support grant) by the government which is contingent upon a parents nationality? I wasn’t aware that that so many of the people who lived in these shacks were mostly immigrants escaping war and even harsher conditions than the ones they lived in now.

 It seems no matter where I go my research is driven by immigration (Deja vu Spain) and the terrible consequences of it when governments refuse to establish proper procures and guidelines for the changing dynamics in their country. Maybe my frustration stems from that fact that I don’t know much about South African laws and politics besides the little knowledge I have acquired in the past week and half. It seems that what I did learn back in the United States doesn't align with what SA citizens have to say. Also, I’m learning through fieldwork, these kids who aren’t being awarded the 290 Rand (approx. $30) a month they rightfully deserve and much more in my opinion, are my kids. I play with them, I work for them, I’m able to put names and faces to the statistics I read about in the papers and other pieces of literature.  I look forward to being able to apply all of these experiences to the academic work I will be doing in Cape Town and Pretoria in July; I want to make it all mean something already...

One of the things I miss most is the sunset setting on the NYC skyline and the many times I took for granted how privileged I was to live in a city my kids idealize.  I also miss the sound of the rain, as I would fall asleep under the coziest blanket in my parent’s home in Florida. Those are two of my favorite memories from my home. It’s a different story here; when I go to sleep at night, instead of seeing stars I see smog and that smog comes from the fires that are being lit in the ghettos of Soweto where electricity consists of a wire on the ground throughout the compound. It's winter here, so these fires just remind me that at least they found firewood for the night. 

* Be a dreamer, be an achiever, and be yourself.

         This week has been a test of patience, endurance and faith. I hate feeling helpless, and I needed to snap out of it so I called my Mom, a very wise woman, who also told me to snap out of it and added on that I should do what I set out here to do; which was to help out by offering my skills and expertise and to just be what the kids needed me to be. Today, the kids needed me to be play ball with them( don't laugh those who know my sneakers are for gym use only) and I did. We started off as a group of 5 and before I knew it I had almost 30 kids ganging up on me, chasing me around a soccer field and telling me afterwards what a great time they had because they got to see me that day. 

It’s funny how being there for them was exactly what I needed for myself.  I understand what people mean when they say 'it’s why I do what I love.'  It isn’t easy and that’s something Tony says to me on a daily basis. This work while still facing the daily struggles of life is not easy but for some reason it’s easier almost instinctual to choose this path than any other. I’m as ambitious as they come but I strongly believe that there is a fine line between greed and ambition and the latter is what propels me to one day be the best at what I do and the former is what I think happens when we lose sight of the idealist in ourselves and in our responsibility to give back to the world if we are in a position to do so.