I'm not sure
why the past two days have been such a struggle for me; I don't feel homesick, gotten used to the food and I’ve been pretty productive at work yet that emo title could completely be applied to me right now. I’m thinking
it has something to do with the readings I have started doing for my
classes in July including Kaffir Boy; The
True Story of a Black Youth's Coming of Age in Apartheid South Africa by Mark Mathabane. Every single time I start reading
this book, I become completely engrossed in it; learning about the
struggle against Apartheid while living in Soweto, South Africa, has been
an experience I know not many get to experience. I’m so grateful for Poppy, Tony and Seth
for sharing their stories with me. While reading Kaffir
Boy, the author very vividly depicts the life and death situations he faced as a
child, the terror he lived through, the complete loss of faith in humanity and at times
himself. I really didn’t want to keep reading this book but I knew I had to. I'm glad I did, I was inspired by this young man's 'American Dream' it brought new meaning to the phrase for me.
I don’t
normally consider finishing a novel a victory by any means, considering I genuinely love to read! I think that what made this a victory was the fact that
just a few miles down the road from where I'm currently staying, there are
ghettos like the ones depicted in Kaffir
boy; sure they aren’t raided by police on a daily basis and people aren't being
indiscriminately killed by the authorities however, the hunger, the sadness,
the lack of electricity and poor sanitary conditions are all still there. Do
you really have a choice of where to live when you are unemployed due to not
being a SA citizen, tending to child who although was born in SA is refused a CSG (child support grant) by the government
which is contingent upon a parents nationality? I wasn’t aware that that so
many of the people who lived in these shacks were mostly immigrants escaping war and even harsher conditions than the ones they lived in now.
It seems
no matter where I go my research is driven by immigration (Deja vu
Spain) and the terrible consequences of it when governments refuse to establish
proper procures and guidelines for the changing dynamics in their country.
Maybe my frustration stems from that fact that I don’t know much about South
African laws and politics besides the little knowledge I have acquired in the past week and
half. It seems that what I did learn back in the United States doesn't align with what SA citizens have to say. Also, I’m learning through fieldwork, these kids who aren’t being
awarded the 290 Rand (approx. $30) a month they rightfully deserve and
much more in my opinion, are my kids. I play with them, I work for them, I’m
able to put names and faces to the statistics I read about in the papers and other pieces of literature. I look forward to being able to apply all of these experiences to the
academic work I will be doing in Cape Town and Pretoria in July; I want to make
it all mean something already...
One of the things I miss most is the
sunset setting on the NYC skyline and the many times I took for granted
how privileged I was to live in a city my kids idealize. I also miss the
sound of the rain, as I would fall asleep under the coziest blanket in my parent’s
home in Florida. Those are two of my favorite
memories from my home. It’s a different story here; when
I go to sleep at night, instead of seeing stars I see smog and that smog comes
from the fires that are being lit in the ghettos of Soweto where electricity
consists of a wire on the ground throughout the compound. It's winter here, so
these fires just remind me that at least they found firewood for the
night.
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Be a dreamer, be an achiever, and be yourself.
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This week has been a test of patience,
endurance and faith. I hate feeling helpless, and I needed to snap out of it so I called my Mom, a very wise woman, who also told me to snap out of
it and added on that I should do what I set out here to do; which was to help out by offering my skills and expertise
and to just be what the kids needed me to be. Today, the kids needed me to be
play ball with them( don't laugh those who know my sneakers are for gym use only) and I did. We started off as a group of 5 and before I knew
it I had almost 30 kids ganging up on me, chasing me around a soccer field and telling
me afterwards what a great time they had because they got to see me that day.
It’s funny
how being there for them was exactly what I needed for myself. I understand what people mean when they say
'it’s why I do what I love.' It isn’t
easy and that’s something Tony says to me on a daily basis. This work while
still facing the daily struggles of life is not easy but for some reason it’s
easier almost instinctual to choose this path than any other. I’m as ambitious
as they come but I strongly believe that there is a fine line between greed and
ambition and the latter is what propels me to one day be the best at what I do
and the former is what I think happens when we lose sight of the idealist in
ourselves and in our responsibility to give back to the world if we are in a position to do so.
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